Oh my god I can't believe it...
Yesterday at work, our team coach advised me that she would do my performance review today, as she was away after tonight (off for a day or two, then going back into hospital to have the metal removed from her ankle, which she broke last year iirc). So, I was looking forward to that. We'd already had our new self-assesement type form, which I tried to score a little "low" deliberatly, but I messed up the counting. If you worked it out on percentages, it would have been just over a half. I believe I am worth a little more than that at least, but would the person who scored these for the entire campaign think the same? There are a variety of items from 0 to 5 points, depending on what happens, and six in total, so no more than thirty.
On the basis of October 2005 to April 2006 - during which time you will know all the things that have happened (if not, you can read my blog!) - I got a 9/30.
NINE out of thirty.
That's less than 30% !!!
This seemed a little low, especially as my attendance (I'd had to take a lot of time sick last year) - well, in the six months, I had two periods off. This should be enough for improvement, without any further questioning. But, because it's an all-new system, I got 0/5 - "Frequently off..." Two of the reasons why I was off those times? One was my spell over the holidays Dec/Jan (when I had five bad things in five days - three of which were work related) and one was due to hayfever. I could have taken a lot more. I don't know whether or not I'd still be in a job or not, but I doubt it.
Late was the same.
I made some of my usual notes, then I was going to see my team coach before disappearing to the bathroom. 2 minutes, I don't want to wait around idle, and I can't wait that much more, so I left the paperwork.
I sat down in the bathroom, and then I thought about what had just occured. I've been here since October 2002. I'm the longest-serving-still-on-front-line full time member of staff. I had a lot of issues that required me to take time off in the first part of last year, and I said I'd improve, and I did, once I got a fixed shift pattern and changes to what I was taking. Suddenly, all this time, all this effort, all this stuggle, rushing through town with my hair dripping over the place just to get the bus to work, it all seemed to be for nothing.
Yes, we work for the money... but I felt this was SO bad. I thought about walking out - yet again, I managed not to.
Then, it all became too much. I was shaking and upset for the first time in years - I don't remember being like this since 2001 (the year I ended up in hospital and soon after felt suicidal, following parting company with LUL on bad terms, and becoming ill when the docs had no idea what to do). I was openly crying for the first time in a long time. Sometimes I've doubted if I have emotions. If you'd been there, you'd know for sure that I definatly do.
Next thing I knew, it was 1710ish - I'd apparently been here for well over two hours. My team coach came looking for me, and I had to explain what had happeend. How could I when I barely understood it? I know what was wrong, but why did it get me so upset? Was it just the final straw?
I went back up to work, had my lunch (which should have been 1630-1700) before finishing my booked shift to 2200. Then, I just wanted to go home. I've got a day planned for tommorrow, and I'm still going ahead with it. It's just that... I feel a little under-rated now. OK, so the new scoring system is very negative. I still believe I deserved double figures...
... and naturally, there is nowhere for us to score them, including the fact that I'm not getting this coming weekend off, despite booking all my "event" dates early in 2006 as soon as they opened this year's book. Six people got it off, including one that started work after I handed in my form... I'm not bitter, it's just the mis-administration goes on. We walk out the door, we get replaced. No-one seems to care, and there is definatly no-one for us to talk to.
On the basis of October 2005 to April 2006 - during which time you will know all the things that have happened (if not, you can read my blog!) - I got a 9/30.
NINE out of thirty.
That's less than 30% !!!
This seemed a little low, especially as my attendance (I'd had to take a lot of time sick last year) - well, in the six months, I had two periods off. This should be enough for improvement, without any further questioning. But, because it's an all-new system, I got 0/5 - "Frequently off..." Two of the reasons why I was off those times? One was my spell over the holidays Dec/Jan (when I had five bad things in five days - three of which were work related) and one was due to hayfever. I could have taken a lot more. I don't know whether or not I'd still be in a job or not, but I doubt it.
Late was the same.
I made some of my usual notes, then I was going to see my team coach before disappearing to the bathroom. 2 minutes, I don't want to wait around idle, and I can't wait that much more, so I left the paperwork.
I sat down in the bathroom, and then I thought about what had just occured. I've been here since October 2002. I'm the longest-serving-still-on-front-line full time member of staff. I had a lot of issues that required me to take time off in the first part of last year, and I said I'd improve, and I did, once I got a fixed shift pattern and changes to what I was taking. Suddenly, all this time, all this effort, all this stuggle, rushing through town with my hair dripping over the place just to get the bus to work, it all seemed to be for nothing.
Yes, we work for the money... but I felt this was SO bad. I thought about walking out - yet again, I managed not to.
Then, it all became too much. I was shaking and upset for the first time in years - I don't remember being like this since 2001 (the year I ended up in hospital and soon after felt suicidal, following parting company with LUL on bad terms, and becoming ill when the docs had no idea what to do). I was openly crying for the first time in a long time. Sometimes I've doubted if I have emotions. If you'd been there, you'd know for sure that I definatly do.
Next thing I knew, it was 1710ish - I'd apparently been here for well over two hours. My team coach came looking for me, and I had to explain what had happeend. How could I when I barely understood it? I know what was wrong, but why did it get me so upset? Was it just the final straw?
I went back up to work, had my lunch (which should have been 1630-1700) before finishing my booked shift to 2200. Then, I just wanted to go home. I've got a day planned for tommorrow, and I'm still going ahead with it. It's just that... I feel a little under-rated now. OK, so the new scoring system is very negative. I still believe I deserved double figures...
... and naturally, there is nowhere for us to score them, including the fact that I'm not getting this coming weekend off, despite booking all my "event" dates early in 2006 as soon as they opened this year's book. Six people got it off, including one that started work after I handed in my form... I'm not bitter, it's just the mis-administration goes on. We walk out the door, we get replaced. No-one seems to care, and there is definatly no-one for us to talk to.
posted by Suzy Scott @ 23:19
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home