The beauty of budget airlines
As posted to AD2-jokers earlier...
Attendant: Welcome aboard Sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be £2 please
Passenger: What for ?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of £2. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard of. I won't pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you ?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! That will be £3, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a £3 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that £3.
Passenger: No way.
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant: No, but there's a £10 Air Marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the £3. I can't believe this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two 50 pence coins into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that is charged for.
Passenger: I don't have any fifty pence. Can you change a two pound coin?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three fifty pence pieces for my two pounds.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 50 pence.
Passenger: Crying out loud. All I have left is a lousy 50 pence. Whatever will I do with it?
Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
Attendant: Welcome aboard Sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be £2 please
Passenger: What for ?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of £2. It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard of. I won't pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you ?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! That will be £3, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a £3 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that £3.
Passenger: No way.
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant: No, but there's a £10 Air Marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the £3. I can't believe this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two 50 pence coins into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that is charged for.
Passenger: I don't have any fifty pence. Can you change a two pound coin?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three fifty pence pieces for my two pounds.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 50 pence.
Passenger: Crying out loud. All I have left is a lousy 50 pence. Whatever will I do with it?
Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
posted by Suzy Scott @ 17:05
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