Docs away!
like chocs away? No? Never mind…
So, another “review” visit to my own doctors. As I’d been on the new stuff for a month, he wanted to ensure all had gone well. That bit went well enough, and I was even able to get my repeat prescriptions (which I would have got earlier in the week, but because I was visiting here today, it would not have been any quicker).
Anyway – same story as before, I try to save time by visiting the local chemist up the road, and they’ve got one item out of stock… and one of those that I’d ideally need today… but I found some in town. Back to work fairly quickly, and onto 2300.
Good news is, I think that will now be me “stocked” for two months – assuming nothing else goes wrong in the meantime! Next visit to the gp isn’t even booked at the moment, largely because they are getting a systems upgrade next month.
Now you know why I buy a DaySaver on my trips to the doctors…
Labels: depression, transition, transport, work
Really a quiet day…
… because I am out at work tomorrow!
But in thinking about things… over the last two days, I have been thinking a lot about my body, and my mind. Most of you have perhaps noticed that I am starting to feel bad at the beginning of each month. Strong headaches seem to be a factor. I feel slightly worse at these times. It’s evident in the blog, and started perhaps spectacularly at the end of September/early October.
So, I have to split monthly pattern feelings from depression, and when I’ve had so much else happening in the meantime, my mind has been a little clouded to say the least. Now I can recognise that these days can get me down, and to make an extra special effort to carry on, not over-stretch or stress myself at these times, and to carry on as best I can.
Welcome to the wonderful world of womanhood, Suzy.
Labels: depression, transition
Challenge Suzy
Well... what can I say?I left the house in plenty time, made it to the bus shelter "West Marketgait opp Police Station" (i.e. round the corner from the flat) for 1345... 17 towards Ninewells Hospital bus leaves the city centre stop 1351, due there 1355. It didn't show up on the real time bus tracker displays - well, booked time only i.e. it's not found it in space or on earth! Just after 1400, I am assuming that the bus has been cut - I've to get to Westgate (doctors) for 1420, and the next bus isn't due until 1415 (showing on realtime as being due in 18 minutes). My appointment is 1420, so I start walking - in the rain - to Westport, for a 22/22C.400 yards down West Marketgait, and the 17 Ninewells starts passing... in service, with a well-established driver! How did that happen - and how come it was never tracked on the display? About the only way I think this could happen was if the driver coming off peddled like hell down to town, got in early, and the replacement was late - but the bus would need to have been abandoned for 15 minutes for that to happen! I continued the 50 or so yards around the corner, and get a 22 instead - we get to the end of the doctors road for 1418, as per the drivers ticket machine! And they wonder why I think that could do with a car, eh?Got to the doctors, not a lot to say. This was a follow-up to that from two weeks ago. Got given an anxiety survey to complete - no question of "Does filling in forms make you anxious?" but you get the idea. Turns out the letter from Dr Ewan at Sandyford (see here) has now arrived, and the doctor sent the prescriptions that I have been waiting on (Finasteride and Duphaston) down to Boots chemist in town (without telling me).... I was told to come back in a month, and in the meantime, I have enough time to go straight around to work, or I could proceed to the chemist and pick up my pills... otherwise I may not get the chance tomorrow, and of course the longer I'm on the Provera, it does technically continue the potential for depression!So, took the 9x/10x (first bus that came along) - and stayed on past work, headed back to the city centre. Got the pills, and then the 9x back to work, passing the docs. Got in for 1545, saw not my own boss but one of the others (the boss is around the corner). I got in for 15345, got give the desk/chair of someone due to finish at 1600. They had a long running call to 1617, and thus I didn't get signed in for a bit afterwards at 1625. Got moved down the middle (keep us all together in the evenings) exactly two hours later! (1825)! It was a varied day. The first challenge was the wind, rain, and the time being against me. That was passed - only just! I managed to get from the bus stop (1418) via the consultation, survey filled in, booked another appointment, made it to the bus stop, 9x boarded, quick food and drink purchases in town, queue in chemist, get everything I was waiting on, get bus back, and arrive at work at 1538 - eighty minutes exactly! Naturally, finally getting the "revised" allocation of pills was good. Duphaston is a direct replacement for the Provera (both artificial forms of progesterone), but the former is less likely to cause depression. I stopped taking the Androcur some five or six weeks ago - and the Finasteride is a similar replacement. Again, this is less likely to cause depression. On the TS groups, almost everyone who was on Androcur (or cyperetone acetate) reported some kind of upset. I had seen the packaging of the Finasteride before, which is probably just as well, given the "health warning" on the base of the packet!So, feeling good, and ready for my Friday ahead! Labels: depression, transition, transport, work
A more pleasant day-ish
I did feel a bit better today, than yesterday (or Wednesday) - that wouldn't be too difficult. Something that I'd already been considering was speaking to a counsellor over the way my mind has been going for the last few months (before Wednesday) - in fact, this came to my mind over the weekend. There are some "unexplained" things in my life right now, things I don't understand in my own mind. As a result, I've got one for Friday next week at Sandyford.
In other news... if you wondered what happened to that truck from earlier this week...
SUV mauled, hauled from bitterly cold, frozen bayFebruary 9, 2007) - Cut and drag. Cut and drag. Cut and drag.Employees of Jim's Service Center in Rochester worked for 36 hours to haul a mangled sport utility vehicle from the icy waters of Irondequoit Bay late Wednesday night. The 2000 Chevrolet Blazer was frozen, partially submerged, for nearly two days after its owner, Travis Newberry, 20, of Rochester drove the SUV onto the iced-over bay late Monday night. The vehicle broke through the ice into 4 or 5 feet of water about 450 feet from shore. Newberry and two friends were not injured during the incident. Removing the vehicle "was a monumental task," said Jim Mathews, owner of Jim's Service Center. "I didn't expect it would be as time consuming or as manpower- or equipment-draining, as it was." Toiling in the bitter cold with whipping winds, workers first cut the ice around the SUV with chainsaws and then flipped it on its roof to drag the vehicle to shore, Mathews said. But the vehicle - filled with water and ice - repeatedly fell back through the ice. Two of Mathews' workers fell through the ice during recovery efforts. No one was seriously hurt, he said, "just a little cold."The ice was reportedly 9 inches thick where the SUV broke through. The vehicle, which weighed 4,147 pounds when empty, weighed over 9,000 pounds after it was removed because it was filled with "huge ice blocks," Mathews said. Officers did not charge Newberry with any violations since it is not illegal to drive a car on the ice, said Sgt. Jonna Izzo of the Irondequoit Police Department. A state Department of Environmental Conservation official said Tuesday that the owner was responsible for removing the vehicle and associated costs, as well as any fines that might be levied because of fluid leakage or other reasons. But DEC Regional Director Sean Hanna said Wednesday that the agency does not plan to levy a fine against Newberry, who has cooperated with DEC officials in recent days. "We kept a close eye on the situation; nothing or virtually nothing leaked from the vehicle," into the bay, Hanna said. "We've all made decisions in life that we've regretted. We think he's paid enough for his mistake." It's still unclear whether Newberry will recover any of the loss, according to Kristen Steinmiller, vice president of Steinmiller Associates in Webster, which did not write the policy on the vehicle. Workers at the agency have been wondering themselves whether any policy would cover the damage. "It's definitely not collision," she said.There's a chance that comprehensive coverage might pick up part of the tab, Steinmiller said, but "I think they'll deny it." Newberry could not be reached for comment.The recovery cost "will be in the neighborhood of $5,000," Mathews said, but he has not reviewed all of the expenses and has not drafted a bill yet. Mathews said that he was among a crew of 10 men who worked on the recovery.The crew, which repeatedly cut 10- to 15-foot sections of ice away from the SUV, used both winching and an elaborate pulley system to drag the vehicle to shore. As they worked, dozens of people stopped by to assist by holding flashlights and helping to move equipment,, Mathews said. "We were so appreciative of the support," he said. "It really made a difference."...and, on a humourous note, the
B*stard Operator From Hell has a somewhat topical explanation to the boss
this week, when asked to deal with his daughter's ex-company laptop.
"You should go to Vista." "So you like Vista?" "Not really, no. I run a Vista simulator." "Virtual Server?" the Boss asks. "Nah, I just turned on all the flashy crap in XP, changed the background image, took some memory out of my box and clocked down the CPU. Then broke Media player. Works like a charm."Labels: depression, transition, transport
Not what I wanted
Today, my headache came & went a few times, but I was still upset. I was back to upset over everything, including things I could not change about myself. These things have came and gone in the past, and recently I've often put them down to something else happening in my life at the time. I always try to put the bad things behind me, and carry on. Just recently, there have been too many of the bad times. This has happened too often, so I can admit that I am feeling very depressed at times. I managed to get an appointment with one of my own doctors for 1650. Remember I said last month that if I felt bad two days running I would seek further help?I tried to explain the basics of what had gone wrong. As ever when I get depressed, I couldn't quite explain things in my usual way, I didn't feel right. It almost went back to how I used to be - less confident, but I ploughed on with it. The doctor said that he doesn't just prescribe things easily, but we had a talk about how I felt. I didn't explain any specific incidents, and they had previously known about a few. (It's a while since I've been there). As a first step, he has prescribed me with anti-depressants, from now, and wants to see me again in two weeks. He knows they probably won't be working for me in two weeks, but they've not had the letter yet to make the changes recommended previously at my last visit to Sandyford.So, back home, but as I leave the doctors, it's cold and wet! The hailstones are coming down, and the snow lying made a combination with the slope that defeated several cars! I got the 1704 Stagecoach Strathtay bus 73 from the stop after Ninewells about 1710ish. Naturally with the dark, hail/snow, cold temperatures, and hills/slopes, traffic was slow. Glamis Road took out several cars - on the shallower part at the top... before continuing to the Perth Road area. From the top of Roseangle all the way through to the ring road (East Marketgait) was gridlocked. We finally got to the High Street at 1750 - almost at the time of the next 73A service due 30 minutes later... if you thought that was bad, I saw the 2 Dryburgh (Travel Dundee bus) leaving town at what I thought was the right time for it (1730ish). The 2 is a half hourly service, which leaves town on the hour, and half past. Around 1745, another 2 Dryburgh went up - so the one before was either 25-30 minutes late, or this one was early...... No one could be early in this sort of weather. It might explain the reason there had been a late notice cancellation - otherwise there was not going to be anything until Monday! Back to today, and despite the delay, I had time to get the prescription from Boots (late opening Thursday) before the store closed. Ironically the person doing the checking noticed that I almost ended up with the wrong box of pills... no idea what would have happened if I'd had something different, as it's "new" and I'd not had them before! I headed back home.In other news... I heard today that Stephen Parascandolo, webmaster of the Unofficial Croydon Tramlink website , died yesterday morning in a car accident. Mark Hatton, technical webmaster, broke the news late last night on the site... "This evening I was contacted by Mark Parascandolo, Stephen's brother, who informed me that unfortunately Stephen passed away in a car accident this morning. He asked me to post a message to the website to let everyone know as soon as possible. I don't have any more information at this time, but if the family wish me to post any further information, I will gladly do so." If you look through the website, you will get a feel for the passion and interest Stephen had for what he did. He lived slightly away from the system (latterly living further away), but this did not change things. The site was most useful to enthusiasts and passengers alike. RIP. Labels: depression, transition, transport
Not quite as planned
Wednesday was quieter at work. We were a few bodies down in the team, but it didn't really matter, as it got quieter - well, a lot quieter, quicker than yesterday. The thing is, throughout the day, I had this weird headache that kept coming back... and I felt a few other weird feelings... and I had those pains in my shoulders... reminded me somewhat of how I felt on Sunday...
... I got home, back in the door. I got really upset... and that was putting it mildly. There was no particular reason for it - just "everything". I'd not been this way for several weeks now... why did I feel this way? I couldn't understand it... but the more I thought about it, it became worse... and the headache now reminded me of that which I had several months ago.. .maybe it's some sort of warning... early into Thursday morning, I eventually managed to get to sleep...
Labels: depression, work
The Androcur Made Me Do It
I got the 0720 Citylink from Dundee. Weather wise, Dundee was ok, Glasgow was ok, but there were some snowy bits in between around Stirling/Cumbernauld. As the M8 was the usual weekday morning car park, we were 18 minutes late in, so I called them to let them know I'd be late around (we got into Glasgow 0953, not 0935).Once I got in, gave them my details etc. and Dr John Ewan was ready to see me, almost immediately (this was an appointment, not a drop-in). I got there just after 1010, and my appointment ran until about 1135 - quite a while in the end. I couldn't tell him everything that I'd been up to (since last November), but included all the good, and bad bits. I explained about the feelings I'd had, stopping Androcur, all the stuff we'd already discussed earlier on. He said it was reasonable to have stopped Androcur in the circumstances. I asked about changing it for Finasteride, and we talked a bit more about things, and he then agreed to this. He then explained that they'd had the funding approval (for surgery) back from NHS Tayside last month (shortly after, he tried to check on as to what was happening next, but no information).I went back to the subject of the Androcur, and he explained that out of those who take an anti-androgen, it's about 50/50 each in terms of those who take Androcur vs. Finasteride. Later he admitted that Androcur can have the effects similar to what I had - depression, upset, tiredness etc. He remembered I mentioned headaches and upset from the time before, when I visited. We discussed the dates that I'd felt bad, and I asked about the possibility of changing the Provera. Initially, he said that was it, but I then suggested Duphaston. He stopped for a moment (on what he was about to say about provera vs. provera), and then explained what this was, and then we agreed that he would write to my GP, to change the Provera & Androcur for Finasteride & Duphaston. I then explained that I'd recently become aware of the Laser (hair removal) facilities locally, and asked about referral. He agreed to this, as he felt that the face hair is still be a "problem" for me to overcome. In the past, I didn't think I had enough hair to make it work, and although lots have changed recently, the light/dark balance appears to be right. He will be writing the referral shortly. We then talked about work, amongst other things, but largely work. He asked how they had taken the news about surgery etc. being in the near future, and I explained what they'd said, and offered etc. He also asked how settled things were in terms of work (remember this time last year, we had the threat of off shoring over our heads). I explained about recent developments at work (right up to yesterday/next Monday!), and the fact that from the time I'd seen him last in November, up to starting on the email team Next Monday, I'd had six team coaches! In regards to my voice, he said progress had been made! I then went back to the subject of the GRP, and he mentioned again what I'd said before pre-op applicants and stuff. I explained that I'd heard of a few who had managed, so I was willing to try, and to get it out the way. I left him a copy of the form, which he is going to mail back to me. One other issue that was brought up in passing - Professor Mizra, who was the psychiatrist who originally saw me way back in March 2005, has now retired (initially without direct replacement). That kind of makes me feel old! As with everything and everyone else, he wants me to stay positive etc. over the coming weeks and months... and that was it, and I was out, once again happy with my lot! [edit]The rest of the day in the west, was good enough. Met up with Bobby in Glasgow, and used the rest of my FirstDay ticket around a bit of a loop around the south and the east... only for me to notice how inadvertently I'd done a similar trip to those I used to do when the Ailsa's were around! Today I hadStrathtay 52431 M8 Dundee - Glasgow BBSFirst 69070 18 Bath Street - SandyfordFirst 61697 57 Sandyford - Jamaica Street (he stopped without question this time - unlike November's driver who said "you want aff here?" after driving past the stop AFTER i'd rung the bell!)Lunch, meet & greetFirst 61469 45 Jamaica Street - Pollok building site/bus stationFirst 33406 22 Pollok bs - Braehead Shopping CentreFirst 69041 Bullet (111 on Wayfarer) Braehead Shopping Centre - PartickSubway car 118 Outer Circle Partick - Buchanan StreetWalk to George SquareFirst 31516 X1 George Square - BBSR900 WCM M8 Glasgow BBS - DundeeOn the Bullet, as we approached Partick, I caught sight of a McKindless Excel parked up, with the driver looking towards the river, outside the bus. Turns out we'd caught site of the ship being launched! It's on the Evening Times website, according to the "dead tree" edition (Glasgow paper sellers still giving you a ton of freebies in return for trashing the planet...) The Bullet had seven or eight passengers, for anyone wondering! One was a reporter, sat at the back, who was on before the bus got to Braehead (from XScape I'd presume). He had got on the bus with the intent of snapping the events as they were going on, from the bus passing on the dual carriageway... and he was happy enough! So, turned it into quite a nice afternoon, if a little on the cool side.
After I got back to Dundee, news reached me via the Forum that there had been another bus smash, this afternoon in Ardler. Travel Dundee Optare Solo 201 was involved, on Service 93 (1615 from Tech Park to Douglas). While details were sketchy, the BBC News report said "Eight people have been hurt after a bus crashed into the front of a house in Dundee after a collision with a car. Six of the passengers on the bus and the occupant of the house had to be taken to hospital where they were treated for minor injuries. The accident happened late on Tuesday afternoon on Rosemount Road in the city's Ardler district. It is understood there was a woman in the house at the time. No-one has been badly injured."
[edit]
(later edited)
Labels: depression, subway, surgery, transition, transport
In The News, Whilst I’ve Been Away...
...ok, well I haven’t been away. I’ve had a lot on. My 7th January post showed that there was something going around at work, and no, I DIDN’T GET IT... for the first time ever! So, what caused me to not post for so long?
Feelings & Depression - I was feeling badly depressed, tired, lethargic, emotional, crying when I am not upset, and feeling tired towards the end of the day (from about 1900/2000 onwards). After speaking to others who've been prescribed similar and ended up badly (or worse). Two of the medications I am on - Androcur (Cyperetone Acetate) and Provera (Medroxyprogesterone Acetate), have been known to cause depression. The former I’ve been on since August, and the latter since November. On Friday 12th, I called Sandyford, and I was due in on the 5th February "drop-in", but I was able to get a slightly earlier appointment on Tuesday 23rd. The idea was, I was going to question my current prescriptions, and also ask about alternatives etc., but things started to get a bit worse than that. After taking my usual dose of the Androcur on Saturday 13th, I decided not to take any more, and see how I felt between now & then. I began to feel happier in the evenings, rather than being tired and down. I did have a headache, as I had done for some time, on and off. Occasionally, my head felt like it was going to explode! On Tuesday 16th (my birthday, as it was), I spent most of the evening severely upset. I tried sleeping it off, to no avail (there was digging work ongoing under Telephone house, but you could still hear it here!)... and ended up crying and shaking. My head once again felt really weird, and I had to call [edit] for a bit to try to explain how I felt. The following morning (Wednesday 19th), I woke up, and was barely able to stop crying, but then it died down in time to get to work. Surprisingly, although I was a bit tense throughout work, it died down, and I was fine enough for going home! Since then, I’ve had the odd tear, but the headache is a lot less than it was (as a friend pointed out, I’d rather cry at something, than for nothing). The weird feelings in my head are no more. The chest pains (which had been ongoing throughout taking it) have stopped completely. I don’t get the feelings of despair as soon as I get in the door after work. So, while I did have a couple of times where I felt worse than I did on the pills, it looks like this has passed. I had been taking these since the summer, and it would explain many things. When you get upset, sometimes you get a feeling of being dragged down – as I did at the New Year, as well as at the end of September. (I’ve heard worse stories).
Family - the truth is, I’ve no idea. The last time I spoke to my mother was before Christmas... now, usually, I would have had a Christmas card to anonymous, a birthday card "to my son", and perhaps a few other phone calls. What was the last thing I said to her, last time I spoke to her on the phone was when I was explaining everything that happened in December to my mother. She had (so far) objected to everything in my life, so I didn’t expect this to be any different! I think this may well be a good thing, at least for now.Transport - Whilst there has been roadworks, severe weather, and many other things ongoing in the City, these may not explain the week I’d just had on public transport. Monday towards work, the bus driver gets lost, and ends up missing most of the "unique" section of route. Monday going home, free journey, because although the driver had a card validator box, it was an empty case - i.e. no electronics inside it! Wednesday towards work, bus turns up 14 minutes late! Wednesday on the way home - ok! Thursday towards work, driver issued the wrong ticket, but it wasn’t an issue in the end. Thursday home - ok. So, out of six journeys (half each of the two operators!), two with a notable, and one without! OK, now I am spending more time on other interests than transport, but this had to happen eventually. I don’t think it’s ever gong to be possible to take away the interest totally (past experiences and memories), but see what happens.Web Work - I am now in charge of our team website at work, after a request from my team coach! I was specifically asked (not offered!) to put on several pages of travel information! which I was the most difficult to write... lol, OK, I copied it all from my Techpark microsite. I also added (by specific request) added a few more pages, like buses arriving at the Tech Park before 7am. These are also now on the Techpark microsite now too. It’s basic, done in Word, and has no hidden surprises. Yes I know we’ve got a huge number of students who study web design by day for a living... but they never got asked, and I did, so there!Work - This may take some explaining, but to explain, my shift has been fixed since July 2005 at 1300-2200 Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Despite the fact this is almost 18 months, no-one apart from me can usually remember it. The issues that I had then (that put me onto it) have now gone. I had been thinking of my options as to whether or not I should go back on rota (it’s not that many hours difference), or whether I change my fixed shift for something else. Last week, the management were looking for volunteers to work a 1500-2300 Monday-Friday shift, for three weeks. My shifts for this coming week have been set by circumstances - i.e. have to be in Glasgow for 1000 on Tuesday morning! My usual shift is fixed (see above), and I did want to leave early, and come in early tomorrow, but was told we’d have no space for me to come in any earlier! (quite often no space at 1300 either!). So, it had to be evenings. Yesterday, I therefore did a 10-hour shift (and ended it happier than I started!) 1300-2300. Monday 22nd I am working 1300-1900! Wednesday 1300-2300, and Thursday 1300-2300. After that is done (i.e. for pay week commencing Saturday 27th January), I was offered the 1500-2300 Monday-Friday shift, and my team coach said that I could work it within my existing pattern if I wanted to do so, for the three weeks. I thought it might be worthwhile trying a longer pattern of shifts, to see how I got on, whilst the offer was going, without me having to ask/beg/give medical evidence etc. That, and after thinking about things, I decided that I wouldn’t be keeping anyone up late, so why not? So, from Monday 29th, I am back to working five consecutive days a week (and a dual day weekend together!) - although, this is subject to final confirmation (34 or 37.5 hours).Visits - Nothing really exciting done recently, but Bobby (the West End Poet) came to Dundee on Tuesday 9th January (the day before the third anniversary of him and his partner Joseph). We had a quick scoot around the City (as we had a few hours), leaving the City Centre to Ninewells Hospital, then via the 14 route to Sainsbury’s cross-city. We passed the rising bollard near the Technology Park, except it was down due to a technical issue (but back up and working the next day), as well my own work, a few of the "out of town" sights, and most of the roadworks!
The next few weeks are going to be times of change. I am hoping to put those "depressed" feelings to the back of my mind, and generally get back to being happier. Work will see a few changes over the coming weeks, but there again, we’re used to that by now! Looking forward to the future may be one way to keep my mind off everything else, but I managed to bounce back before, just a few months ago. If it all goes wrong, again, then, well, we shall see. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, suggestions etc. in the meantime! Labels: birthday, depression, dundee, transition, transport, web, work
