End the month on a high
For what had became a "non-stop November" - yes I do like saying that... wasn't it better to be that way than how I had October? I headed to Ninewells, for my six medical appointment in the last 31 days, and another visit to Speech & Language Therapy. I'd been busy in the last week, but still had time to give it a shot. Sally then discussed the "success" of last week, pointing out that it was the first time she'd came in on a student in fifteen years! As the discussion went on, it also turns out I'm the youngest transwoman (27, 28 in January) she's taught, as all the rest have been at least in their thirties. Progress was not as spectacular as last week, but I will keep at it. I got out of there a little later than last week, and missed out on a 9x bus (to take me down to work) by a few minutes (it had left, next one 14 minutes, with a 13 in the middle). With the improved timetable, it is quicker to wait for a bus than to walk (usually...) a walk would take me about 20 minutes, if feet and shoes are behaving!
So, made it to work, and was meant to be on 1500-2300 tonight. In the end, 1515-2300. Not bad though, given everything that I'd achieved this month, that I'd only lost fifteen minutes of work time to do it!
Work went ok, but is getting noticeably quieter... this usually happens when the "Christmas party season" kicks in... did have a couple of customers call who had information that the public should not normally have, and referred to departments which I didn't realise existed! (as they called the wrong number, that's perhaps why I didn't know what they were on about!) I kind of get the feeling something is happening - beyond what's going on tomorrow. That is (now that it should be public knowledge i.e. on the company website!) Order Management will now be open from 0700 (or 0730, not sure) to 2200 Mon-Sat and 0900-1800 Sunday. These represent improved opening hours versus 0800 to 1800 (Business) or 2000 (Home) Mon-Fri, and 0800-1300 Saturdays. There have been various changes further up the ordering chain that mean departments that used to be closed at these times, are now open, meaning it is worthwhile them being there!
Aunty Sarah’s Reply From The PCT...
My Way With Shoes
Most of you know the way I do it now... get one or two good, relatively solid pairs at a time, (usually when on sale), and wear one to the point of destruction (usually). Well, I'd already "broken in" this pair a few weeks ago, and changed to the previous ones when these started hurting. Now those are not usable, I've gone back to these ones, for now, and they've re-rubbed the same two blisters on my right foot... weird, because I thought that was the one that had shrunk a little...
Just like last week...
... another 1300-2300 shift today!
What good has it done me so far?
Since Saturday, when I started taking progesterone, how have things been so far? Well, far too early, but I get the first ever so slightly different feeling on my right-hand side, for a few millimetres at least. Could be anything, I guess. I’ve not yet yelled or screamed at anyone!
Since starting taking the estrogen & cyperetone acetate (a while back now), what’s actually happened so far? Well, on the outside, some development largely around my face, a lot less body hair, and my head hair now is a lot less greasy, but has been developing a mind of its own lately. Tiredness seems to be easing for now, but I am still sleeping for longer than before. See how I feel after tomorrow, and another long shift!
(...and then there is the "munchies"....)
Promise Of A New Day
I made it to work, and managed to bump into [someone] twice! She’s getting over the first boring day of legal stuff and such like! Lots of favourable comments already! She seems to like it, which is all good.
We’ve had another reshuffle! This time, the drawer unit (that I use as a locker) is now at the opposite end of the call centre to where I sit! At the end of the night, this means a mad dash from the pc, grab my coat on the way, put back any chairs that I had to borrow, to the drawer, lock away my headset/paper pile/elephant cup, then away out to the opposite direction to get down stairs (or downstairs then along), then out, across the car park and the mud to the bus home! It’s a bit of a sprint, all right... tonight was just as well I was heading for the 76 (2210) as the 29 left bang on 2208!
(later edited)
You Wait Ages For A Bus Timetable, Then Three Come Along At Once...
Previously, I’ve discussed the Travel Dundee changes from 5th November here and elsewhere. As part of this, new timetable booklets were produced for the 9x/10x, 14, and 28/29. When the new services started, some Monday to Saturday daytime journeys on the 28/29 were modified by up to three minutes earlier/later per trip. It was planned that the original edition of the booklet (all leaflets carry a code, and for the 28/29, it’s TWM912), so this was TWM912/6. There was to be a new edition, and this one would be in full (four/CYMK) to distinguish it from the original. Only, last Monday (20th), the service reverted to the planned/registered service, but all the old TWM912/6’s had been pulped to make way for the TWM912/7’s. This means I’ve just taken delivery of a bundle at home, and a caseload at work, of timetables that were obsolete by the time they arrived. Now, because all the originals have been pulped, a third issue (TWM912/8) is to be printed, and will include a few minor corrections... at least it’s printed on 75% recycled paper and 25% from sustainable sources!
As usual
The usual Sunday of "catching up" on home projects included more time online - speaking to just about everyone! About the only item of note - the "former friend" that I mentioned a few weeks ago (as you can see I have had a non-stop November, so had little chance to take the matter further - yet!) has now left another message on my landline voicemail - except BT Answer cut his message off half-way through his speech! Justice by BT, for once! I guess this month has been exceptionally busy, so much so, that many of the people I chatted to online, I had not spoken to since last month!
Suzy’s Non-Stop November Continues
I woke up this morning, checked the post. One was a small letter from the doctor’s. They’d said that they’d tried to get hold of me by phone (but on caller display, they now show as “Witheld” rather than their number, as they did before), but were unable to get hold of me (they could have left a message). In any case, I better not whinge too much, for now, as they’ve sent my new prescription straight down to Boots - so I presume this is the provera/progesterone that I’ve been expecting... or Medroxyprogesterone Acetate tablets, to give them the full name...
So, got ready to go to work, and via the chemist on the way. Travel Dundee’s 204 was spotted broken down at Meadowside (The Howff) today.
WARNING: This selection contains pictures of an Optare Excel, which may offend some bus drivers who read this! Lol The chemist went well enough, and also picked up the outstanding balances from earlier in the month. Got to work, and what more can I say? Then home with my "precious cargo", and I got a message from [someone].
(later edited)
Something else off the "To Do, One Day" lists
I’ve been around quite a bit this year. Lots that I’d "never seen before, or will again" (to quote Meatloaf)... Well, never say never, as I actually liked today’s trip. There were lots of opportunities for pictures around the place, especially of the views from various parts! You can see the pictures
here.
A few interesting notes - 1.2 million people visit the castle each year! The oldest part, if you like, is St Margarets Chapel from the 12th Century, and buildings go up to the 20th century on the site. The main parts of the castle visibile to outside viewers were built in Victorian times - as the guide said, "to sell more postcards"... Wedding parties can now be held at the castle by anyone, not just soliders and their folk, and the guide pointed out that, if you are the father of the bride, it works out quite well, because St Margarets Chapel only holds twenty people... but my favourite quote from him was when people ask him about why it's a 1 O' Clock Gun, and not a 12 O' Clock Gun. Well, the story goes, that the Scots have a reputation for being careful with the pennies, and obviously, firing out twelve shells would increase the cost times twelve!
Rather cold, but a very good day nonetheless! That's another one off the "To Do - One Day" list... getting smaller all the time you know!
...then to work
I was out in plenty time to make it to work for 3pm (1500), and finishing an hour later at 11pm (2300). Last night, I got the 29 straight home, but as it’s a while since I’ve done "last bus", felt like a change, so got the last 76 home. This is of course, ran by an Arbroath depot Dart, which felt a bit odd now that they all carry The Round O branding for the Arbroath Town Services network inside and out! (see July, August postings). Tomorrow is just another day - with a twist!
Via Ninewells...
This is the first time in many weeks of Speech & Language Therapy that it’s had to be in works time. I’ve usually managed to get it outwith work time as far as possible! The student who’d been listening in two weeks ago was back, but this time, she’d taken Sally’s seat, and she was sat behind the "one-way" glass... but I could just about see her. I’d been practicing as well as I could, and the recording made me sound almost like my mother... although there is some progress there, adding the pitch to everything else is the next thing. At one point, we were going over one of the usual word sets, and I then saw Sally getting up and walking through next door... and she said that had sounded so good... and this was the first time she’d done this in the whole eleven weeks... but as she also said, now she knows it can be done (what did I say?), I’m going to have to work hard over the coming weeks. In time, I’ll hopefully be able to sound like that on the phones too, but that’s still a little way away. As to next week’s appointment... same time, same place!
Long Day
As previously mentioned/warned, I was working today from 1300 (1pm) to 2300 (11pm) - one hour longer than usual (2200/10pm finish) - to let me claw back the hours at work I would have lost tomorrow. Knackered by the end of it, as I am sure you can imagine!
What's Going On Tuesday?
Day off, so as ever (especially on the days when I am not away out travelling!) I woke up lateish. Well, I woke up at 9-ish, read the post, went back to bed. Woke up at 12, did some work preparing some paperwork, then started talking to Jay online... until 2pm, when I went for a lie-down, and wasn't tired, but woke up at 5pm, and then 7pm... so I've been asleep for most of the day, but I can't understand why. I've given myself the same as I would normally... anyway, that may well pass. Wednesday I am working an hour later, and Thursday... but I'm starting later on Thursday for a medical appointment, so this is to ensure I still work the same as I do any other week. Let the fun and games begin...
Coffee!
I said to myself, I wouldn't do any more of these... you can tell they are american-based, as I think we'd call it Soya (milk) over here... and as for well-travelled? well I have passed through Craigo five times this year (plus once at the road end...)
| You Are a Soy Latte |
Yeah, you've got a bit of that healthy hippie thing going on
But you're more Kate Hudson urban bohemian than Phish groupie
You're worldly and well traveled.. and you know where to get the best coffee in town.
All your experience makes you a compassionate person - and a caring girlfriend. |
Three weeks and lots of progress!
The last three weeks (31st October - 20th November) have been perhaps the most intense three weeks of my life! I started with Jay's Birthday, and ended up tonight with a comment about life and work. I've met over thirty new people and friends, and learned a lot about my future, and theirs too. I've had one or two steps back, but it's mostly been positive, and I can't thank you lot enough!The next three weeks will continue some of the things that I've started on this time. and continue to lay the foundations for the future.So, to friends new and old - thanks for everything in the last three weeks. I couldn't have managed it all without you!
This is my strugle, tell me yours
This may well sound just a little obnoxious... but when I'm at work, we answer all calls in the same way (or at least, we are meant to). I'm trying fairly hard to get practice on the voice, and this is one of the more difficult parts for me - even though I'd be saying it up to 40 times a day... now, if you start cutting across my greeting when I'm giving it, it just makes things even harder for me...
... and today of course, I get the computer at the corner of the two main corridors in the call centre, and I also have a phone unit that is so quiet I can barely hear a thing...
... and just to highlight this, I did my thing this evening, and the person on the other end started giggling... so I was quiet for 10 seconds, waiting for them to start their "hello"'s... and then I giggled back at her, and hung up. Very much a one-off, and I did own up and admit to it before moving onto the next one...
... of course, the chances of getting through to me are a lot less than 1-200, but you never know...
... but I WILL get it, no matter how long it takes... and how many attempts...
T-Vox Explained
Earlier in the week, I mentioned that a new friend had said she'd seen me on T-Vox. Following a quick look and an application for membership that got stuck somewhere (both ways), I am now finally in! Firstly, from the front, it's a wiki-style portal on trans issues, but it's also got a forum. The forum has seperate sections for different people - i.e. trans or friends. Zoe, a friend of Sarah & Sylvia's, (this is a different Zoe to the one I've mentioned before, who lives in Florida IIRC), had kindly posted a link on one of the threads there to my previous comparison of the GIC that I attend, with Sarah's experience of her one visit to CXH. Thanks, I'm flattered... but that explains the mystery I've been wondering about for most of this week, i.e. how I managed to appear on a website I'd never even heard of... and it's all good, honest!
My Sunday
Spent a few hours on MSN (first time for a while!) chatting to friends old and new... then went through to the bedroom around 7pm, and wasn't intending on it, but had a lie-down. Felt a bit tired... so woke up just after 9pm... Was considering going through to MCC Edinburgh tonight (see previous posts), but decided against it for now - I can have my own thoughts here, and it's something for the "to do" list in future. In the meantime, this year's DOR Webcomics Project is now up.
My Life In Pictures
Found all these via Girls Only Blogthings, can't remember where I founf the website, but it was last week at some point... | You are Sneakers! |
You're an active girl, who's all about function
You dress for the occasion - comfort comes first
Your perfect guy? Someone who can keep up with you.
You'll find him - but you might have to slow down to see him! |
| Your Vibe Is Somewhat Sexy |
On a good day, you're the sexiest woman in the world
But on a bad day, you can't help but feel a little average
Try to remember the times you've felt the sexiest...
And keep that attitude even on the worst of days |
| You are Dark Chocolate |
You live your life with intensity, always going full force.
You push yourself (and others) to the limit... you want more than you can handle.
An extreme person, you challenge and inspire the world! |
| You Are a Total Girlie Girl |
You love looking good, and wooing men with your womanly ways.
You're so feminine, men are in awe of you ... which is a very good thing. |
| You Are a Winter |
You look ravishing in: Black, burgundy, emerald green, hot pink, icy colors, navy blue, red, royal purple, and white |
| You Are Medium Maintenance |
You aren't as hard to deal with as some girls
But you aren't the most laid back chick either
You're easy to deal with 90% of the time, but watch out for that 10%!
If the guy you are with has good intentions, then calm down a little
But if he's really screwing up, don't waste your breath - move on :-) |
... and then I found this...
| You May Be Pregnant |
Yup, you could be preggars! See a doctor to confirm, okay? |
... I guess it was the question "has your life been unusually stressful lately?"...
... proof, if it were needed, that these are just a little bit of fun!
Replaced and redeemed
I took the dodgy Travel Dundee 6 Journey card back to the Bus Shop (sorry, Travel Centre!), and was given a replacement 1 Journey card, for the one that was left... and then I got Optare Excel 206 on the 9x to work (not route branded, and destination blind torn and stuck on "Technology Park"), and the ticket machine was defective, so I got a freebie!
The lord giveth, and the lord taketh away, eh?
How many journeys do you get on a 6 Journey Card?
Upon boarding Travel Dundee’s Gemini 06 today on the 28's, I still had one journey to use on my 6 journey card, so I stuck the card into the validator... the card reader disagreed! Now, there are six "marks" to be put on each time, and the magnetic backing records each journey, and they are not always "symmetrical", but they do always print... when the fifth space was missed and the machine went to the sixth, I thought nothing of it, knowing that it had only been "dipped" five times. The validator did have an old "Buzz Card" sticker from the last owners of the validator – East Yorkshire it looked like.Once before on another operator, I remember one of the drivers punched a 10 Journey at the other end of the ticket, but that was 50/50 human error (his error for punching it, my error for not spotting it). This time, it was only the machine that could do wrong, as it's entered the "Buy New Card" reminder along the bottom... never mind, at least Brian (the driver) took it well enough You can see a pic of the card here……I'm now checking my current Stagecoach Strathtay 10 journey, as a precautionary measure, and I see that following another friendly conductor and DABF member punching Hole #5 on Thursday morning (yes I was up before lunchtime, see above for reason!), the next hole punch was #7... now I'm getting concerned again...Tickets - the drag of my life!... well, one of them!
Nuttycats, Nuttycats, what are they feeding you…
Back on Monday, Melanie’s email included a recommendation to join an online ts support forum, by the name of NuttycaTS. Just joined, had a look, and if you are ts or close to one, you can take a look! Membership is currently by recommendation only, so best find me or someone else you know who is there!
My Thursday
Up & around this morning on route to Ninewells for another speech therapy appointment, before continuing to work. On the way home, used the Debenhams short cut once more, but it wasn’t wet tonight! The short cut was slightly warmer though!
… and then back out again…
Went to work, and then home again… on the way home, it was the Debenhams Spectacular this evening, so used it to cut through the Overgate, and keep out of the rain!
Got Home
We changed over to Volvo coach 52519 (which had came from Edinburgh) at Perth, Broxden Park & Ride, and got to Dundee Bus Station just two minutes late, at 0047.
A Tale Of Three Cities
I said I’d be slowing down on the travelling trips, but I booked this a long time ago, and got each leg of the trip for £1.00 each!
Started off at 0900, travelling from Dundee to Edinburgh by Megabus. This was one of those “unadvertised but rostered” duplicates, so it went non-stop from Dundee to Edinburgh, using the white Volvo coach 52295, and we got in a little earlier. I was surprised to find Tails Prower 2040 in the queue as I arrived at the bus station…
TP “So where are you going then?”
SS ”Manchester, via Edinburgh”.
TP “Aah…”
SS “Don’t you remember, I told you on Friday I was going for this one?”
TP “Oh yeah, it did ring a bell for some reason, when I booked it last night…”
… so, we were able to catch up with news, both sides, and more besides. I didn’t go for any pictures in Edinburgh, but TP took enough, and I am sure some will appear on the Fotopic site in due course.
After breakfast, we walked along Princes Street, and then via the bus station and Waverly Bridge to the railway station, where I was heading for the 1152 Edinburgh – Manchester Virgin Trains “voyager” train, booked via Megatrain, for £1. The person beside me got a £15 advanced booked single, someone a few rows behind booked via Megatrain “on the day” for £20, which was still a saving on the full walk-up single fare of £45! Somewhat massive saving there!
As I left Edinburgh, the train followed the “via West Calder/Shotts” line as far as Kirknewton, where it followed another line to Carstairs Junction (which was new territory for me, I think – the time I did Blackpool via Preston when I was little, I can’t remember if we went via Glasgow or Edinburgh), then joining the West Coast Main Line to Preston, then following more new train tracks for me to Manchester. We arrived right at the back on a platform somewhat reminiscent of some of the crowded tiny platforms at various London area stations, and it wasn’t until I went up a floor that we got to the vast glass-filled building that is Manchester Piccadilly railway station.
I came out of Manchester, and intended to grab a few things around town, in the hour and a half or so that I had. As I came out the station, First Manchester Solo 53146 was sat outside on the MetroShuttle1, so I took that to Arndale (remember where those bus bollards were from a few weeks ago?) – yes I made it, only in for two A5 ring binders though, as my current “Fife” folder is starting to show signs of wear over the last four and a bit years! I walked via Piccadilly Gardens and back to Piccadilly. Signs of this much hyped (recently) bus war between UK North/GM Buses, and Stagecoach Manchester, seemed to be a bit over hyped compared to what I’d saw, but presumably I passed during two gaps in service! One of UKN/GMB’s B6’s (with 192 branding) was on the 43.
Then, it was back to Chorlton Street for the Megabus back to Dundee – Neoplan 50136 came in for London, but 50145 came just before 1700 (blinded for Manchester – then we left quickly, and I could see in the glass reflection that he’d blinded up for Preston, even though we weren’t going there!) This bus leaves London at 1230 (used to be 1300), and used to leave Manchester at 1730, but now leaves half an hour early. The traffic ate up most of the time, meaning it took 25 minutes to get into Salford! We got to The Tickled Trout (a place near Preston), where the driver drove off in an Olympian, and the Glasgow based driver then took over for the bit up north.
So, for only 2p more than I spent on breakfast, I was travelling around for over 550 miles… (Transport Direct gives 286.3 miles as the direct car journey length from Dundee to Manchester). It might seem like a long way for a short time, but I’ve done Manchester quite a bit over the last few
years, and I wanted to try an equally cheap alternative, which didn’t involve the 6am start!
On the way home, I was checking my email on my mobile phone, and I had received an email from someone who said “…I saw your profile on T-Vox…” I’d never heard of the site before!… will have a look later…
My day
You may remember from a few weeks and months ago, about the letter I’d sent to my former teachers. Well, I got a letter back today that basically said nothing, and challenged me to take the matter further. As a result, I am going to keep quiet on it (here) for now, as I discuss the situation with further qualified people than myself.
On a much more positive note, I had an email back from Mel – the person who’s surgery diary and pictures I linked to on Friday morning. She was full of praise for the surgeon, and his staff, but this bit also caught my eye…
“…Strangely today I was pondering taking down all my diaries and stuff and removing them fro good from the web - your post has made me reconsider that. A long time ago when I was at my lowest and I saw no way forward - I read another girls diary and it made me realise if she could do it I could too in time. I had so many friends who believed in me - in part I wanted to provide a beacon for other girls who might be lost as I was. Anyway - thanks for the post - maybe I'll leave the web pages up…”
…see, if you like something on the web, tell the person who put it there! If it mean a lot to you, it means even more to them if they know too! Yes, you need to move on after a while, but several of us have found this page useful, in wondering what’s going to happen to us. Looks like we will all be well looked after, anyway! (I am now slightly hesitant that I’ve got the right person, not believing that I’ve been so lucky… but I can’t find anyone else by that name or location right now… the only other person who did GRS in Brighton worked from the same hospital, but is long since retired).
Don’t you think it’s weird how someone who’s known me since I was little can’t even talk to me, but someone who’s never met me before can reveal some of their most intimate secrets to me?
Hit Counter
It’s now one month since I added this to the blog, and I can see I am getting 120-150 hits per week, which is about double/treble what I expected (around 50 a week).
LiveJournal
To enable me to reply to comments from friends on LJ, I’ve now signed up there too – as you can see. For the moment, my life remains here though.
Saturday at work
Nothing too bizarre happened at work today, except maybe the second call in, I think it was, when a customer swore as soon as he got through… except it was in German… something along the lines of (expletive) Scotland don’t speak English! I guess he wasn’t expecting to get through to someone who scraped by and got a 5 in standard grade German back in 1995… and it’s funny how you always remember the obscenities, isn’t it?
Speaking to Mum
…Whilst I’ve been trying for several days, I finally got through to my mother this evening. Of course she isn’t supportive, but as I said before, I’m still telling her everything, just so she can’t say I’ve not hold her! Of course, it’s also all here on the blog, so isn’t not like it’s in secret, or anything! She did say “You’ll never be able to get it back”… obviously she doesn’t know what happens to the article afterwards… actually reminded me of this particular Venus Envy cartoon (especially the last box)… but if she’d thought about it for long enough, she probably would have realised. So, that’s now almost everyone told of my good news, and that call went a little smoother than I was expecting...
Planning Ahead
I was talking to Jay (the long-distance love of my life) earlier on, and we’d mentioned this back on Tuesday, but you could say we’ve loosely made plans to meet up (me to visit the states) early-mid 2008. Needless to say, he’s somewhat looking forward to it, as am I! He’s been talking about things that currently I can only imagine, but that will change in 2007…
… so why am I only going over there now? It’s after surgery, and is to make sure everything is recovered before hand. It’s nothing to do with the most obvious reason (I can see you yelling “you lying cow!” at the monitor), but just that we’ve gone from “wouldn’t it be something if we met” to “we should meet up” to “we will need to meet one day” to “we are going to have to meet” to “we are meeting up soon”. The (loose) date was provisionally chosen by me, but with a “back-up” plan that if my surgery was delayed or I had to wait a long time (which is looking unlikely), I would have gone over there Summer 2007, and then done the rest upon my return...
…and there is something else that’s brought this on. I’ve added up how much I’ve spent on non-work related travel recently, and it’s just about enough for a return flight to the States!…
It had to happen…
...message received from someone who will remain nameless for now… “Great news for you on the surgery… when are you getting your face done?”
Guess that will be the question I get most often asked now – but one surgery at a time, please! Having said that, my face changes in every picture of me that I see…
Trans experienced and gender politics
I got home, and my natural curiosity once again wanted to find out a bit more about what I’ve got to “look forward” to. Believe it or not, it’s been the main thing going on in my mind since Tuesday… now there’s a surprise eh? This bit is not going to be all about me though, but what I found (my time can come later). I am 99.9% certain that the name John mentioned back on Tuesday was Mr Thomas, who does his work at the Sussex Nuffield Hospital, on the way out of Brighton (actually I passed within two miles of it on my April trip, without actually realising it!) Another web site that is long gone included a post-op Scottish transwoman from the west, who had her work done by him, and I remember she was somewhat satisfied with her lot. The work due to be performed at this time is officially entitled a vaginoplasty, although basically it involves taking away the bit at the bottom, removing the main bit, and putting it back inside, but then widened out inside. Before this work can be carried out, electrolysis would need to be done on the area to be worked on, to ensure all the hair is completely away (can I just yell out “ouch” in advance?)
A traditional google search brought me up a few stories from patients. There were quite a handful (and many with pictures, should you be so inclined), but the three I’ve chosen here are the most useful ones in my opinion!
Melanie had hers done just over two years ago, and her story of what she went through is shown here. There is also a second page, which goes into more detail on the surgical aspects. WARNING – This page contains images of the finished product about two thirds of the way down on the right (several weeks afterwards).
The second experience I found was on w3bgirl’s blog - and she’s moved around a lot over the years, starting from Chicago, and now living near Bristol. She had her work done in June, and appears to be another very satisfied user.
The third one is “Sarah’s Transition Musings” – a LiveJournal of someone who is about to undergo the same as me, by the same surgeon, in January 2007. Yesterday marks eight weeks before she has to go in. She has had her admission letter, which says a few things that I found of note. Firstly, he also asks her to bring GRP paperwork with her, so he can complete the surgical related bits. (I think this means avoiding asking your own doctor to fill in the second part – which could be a blessing in itself). Obviously you stop taking hormones six weeks before surgery (she is slowing down from eight), which most people know, as well as stopping smoking three weeks before. What I didn’t know was there is also a requirement not to take Asprin in the three weeks before, not to use hair removal cream in the two weeks before, and not to wear tight underwear in the two weeks before also. All this is to avoid you getting deep vein thrombosis (DVT), but the Asprin is apparently to avoid haemorrhaging. I think this site is probably going to be useful in the weeks and months that follow – especially as she’s planning on taking the laptop with her (and yes, you can!)
Then, I started to look down the Journal. It was somewhat interesting, lets just say. Her post from a few days earlier was of her visit to London. She had been to see a private doctor (by the name of Doctor Curtis) just off Oxford Street in London – a paid, private consultation. About this, she said “…It all works on mutual respect. Certainly he has his own ideas, and if you're unreasonable in what you want, you're not going to get it, but fundamentally he's there to help. This is a supportive environment…”
Then, she was going to help a friend with her appointment at Charing Cross Hospital.
“…my first (and likely only) experience of the NHS's flagship GIC left quite an impression on me. What I hadn't realised is that the Claybrook Centre itself isn't just home to the gender clinic. It's the mental health wing of Charing Cross hospital, and that has certain implications. Immediately by the entrance, to the left, is a glassed-off reception booth in which sit a couple of receptionists. You tell them why you're there and they tell you to take a seat in the waiting area opposite. This consists of about a dozen blue upholstered chairs arranged on three sides of the space, with a coffee table in one corner and a water dispenser (cups absent) in the other.
… Sitting there in that waiting room made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and it got me thinking that had this been where I ended up back when I started this journal, terrified and at the end of my tether, I'm not sure I'd have been able to cope with it. Even yesterday, with the confidence of a successful transition behind me, I found just being there to be very intimidating, and quite an invalidating experience. The overwhelming feeling I got from the place was that this is where you go when your mind is broken. When you can't function as a proper member of society, it's places like this where you end up and you take whatever treatment is given to you. Were I to have embarked down this treatment route, I think it would have felt like I was sitting there, glassed off from the people who work there, with the "crazy people", because that's what I am. Broken, in need of treatment. One of society's rejects. Very unfortunate, you know, thinks he's a woman. We do what we can, but some of them just don't cooperate. Suddenly a great many things became clear. I understood what the gulf between the Charing Cross GIC and Russell Reid's (later Richard Curtis') practice. It's not just the difference between the state sector and the private sector. They're starting from entirely different places. The atmosphere in the Claybrook Centre wasn't one of "this is where reasonable adults can come and discuss their issues, and work together with a doctor to get what they need", but one of, "the doctor will see you now. Behave and do as you're told." This is a mental health wing - the patients aren't the doctors' equals, or peers. They're mentally ill, and they need "fixing". In my dealings with the PCT, I must confess to having fantasies of going along there for an "evaluation", to try and get round their "must be OKed by Charing Cross" requirement. I know that won't happen, the GIC wouldn't do that and there's no way I'd get an appointment in time anyway. In these fantasies, however, I saw myself talking to one of the psychs there from a position of power, knowing that my surgery will happen on Jan 4th regardless, and all they can do is make me pay for it myself. I now realise that it wouldn't happen like that - it's not that kind of place, and to be honest, if I never set foot in there again it will be too soon. Dr Curtis' clinic is a safe space. This didn't feel like one. Eventually it was time to leave. As we did, another patient came in. He smelled very strongly of stale urine. If you're transitioning via the NHS's largest GIC, this is the pigeon hole into which you are put. Sit down there with the broken people, because you're one of them.”
You will notice there a reference to the PCT. What this appears to be is that, because this incredibly brave woman didn’t want to be seen by those at Charing Cross Hospital (instead paying for her own private doctor, and taking a little bit of the burden off their budget in any case), they are not going to pay for her surgery come January, and she’s going to have to send a cheque in for ten grand by December. Subsequently, her appeal is not to have them pay it back, but to have them change the rules. This may well be the case of “it’s not the penny, it’s the principle”. But is this case a one-off? Defiantly a case of “no”.… a few other friends have identified various problems in the running of the place.
Way back as early as 1999, I remember coming across this webpage by Pamela Back in those days, rumours of twelve months for a letter to go on an eighteen month waiting list were actually very believable, but the hospital does state they only book a year in advance. Up to two years is still a long time for what basically amounts to an hour-long “interview”, don’t you think? When I saw that, it did make me wonder what I was letting myself in for.
Earlier than this, there was some stuff about the place written on the web, as far as I can remember i.e. going back to 1998 when I first went online. Mostly American, but Charing Cross Hospital was mentioned, and I remembered the name. Then, a few months later, I was moving to London. On my first morning in London, I was heading out to Steve’s old place in Hillingdon (211 to Hammersmith, then 72/220/283/295 to Shepherds Bush, then 207/607), and I passed the place on the 211 bus. I wondered to myself. It does look ok from the outside, but you can never judge a book by its cover (see, even then, I wanted to see the best in everyone!)
Compare that with what we have in Scotland. To friends and family, my treks from Dundee to Glasgow in the early mornings on my Tuesday off may represent a huge trek, or a massive inconvenience. Nothing could be further from the truth, maybe just because I like travelling. I can only describe with my own words, as I feel taking pictures would be intrusive. It’s in one of the terraces on Sauchiehall Street, which doesn’t look that bright from the outside – again, you never judge a book by its cover. You walk into the centre, down a spiral staircase, and you immediately wouldn’t think you were in a medical facility – at least, not one with the power to help you. The radio is on in the background, playing Q96 or Real Radio Scotland at a comfortable volume level. There is a handcrafted mural on the wall, which has “Welcome” written in many different languages. The place is in white and yellow and blues, and the design reminds you more of a leisure centre than a medical practice. The reception staff are all good, and will act with appropriate efficiency if you want to speak to a particular doctor, or if you need to be given test results by another phone number etc. There is a library there, with books on many aspects of sexuality and health. There is also a crèche, as well as a bank of Internet connected computers, and a self-help display of leaflets on most medical conditions. There is a range of books and magazines to read, as well as some magazines from Glasgow City Council etc. Everyone is there for a different reason – there a variety of counselling clinics held here, as well as the more traditional “morning after” and family planning type stuff. Once a month, on a Tuesday morning, there is also the Gender Clinic. The professional staff are really good, and will support you in what you want to do. They don’t just say what you want to hear, you can discuss many things with them. There are counselling facilities, a support group, and a second support group for friends and relatives. What I am trying to say is that they look after you really well. Some will say – “Well, isn’t that the way it should be?” Well yes – but it’s not in all cases as I’ve found out above. Sad to say, mistreatment of transpeople is still happening more than eight years after I first found out about it.
Some of you may have heard the name Charing Cross Hospital in the media etc. recently, following a case of one of the doctors there being taken to court. His name is Doctor Russell Reid, and was known to most as “Uncle Russell”. Those who’ve met him sing his praises almost equally as I do for those at Sandyford. This goes back to 2004, when the first words were spoken on the BBC’s website The most recent version is also on there , and it says…
“...Dr Reid denies serious professional misconduct. He also denies acting contrary to international guidelines relating to the care of patients with gender dysphoria. The GMC fitness to practice panel heard that Dr Reid, a leading authority on gender identity disorder, worked at the gender identity clinic of Charing Cross Hospital in west London from 1982 to 1990. The clinic deals with about 90% of all NHS work in this area of medicine. In 1990 he established a private practice in Earls Court, specialising in transsexualism. The charges cover a period from 1988 to 2003. The case has been brought by four psychiatrists who work at the Charing Cross Hospital gender identity clinics. The fifth complainant was another of his patients…
…The hearing had earlier heard that Dr Reid was known as "uncle" by his patients, but that colleagues viewed him with concern. Dr James Barrett of Charing Cross Hospital said: "It's a kind of boundary issues. I think that there is being so close to your group of patients that you have kind of lost sight of that. "I think that if you are in a position of calling your patients your nephews and nieces and being known as Uncle Russell, then there is considerable difficulty there." Dr Donald Montgomery, who was clinical director of the gender identity clinic for seven years, said he had also had concerns about Dr Reid's practice. He told the hearing: "I thought that some of the patients that Dr Reid had managed over the years had been at risk of being harmed by his early premature prescription of sex hormones without adequate assessment or a cooling off period, a period of reflection of counselling, or a second opinion from another interested professional."
Dr Montgomery, who admitted under cross-questioning that he "did not like Dr Reid", said there had been occasions where Dr Reid had referred patients for genital reassignment surgery without a second opinion or without patients completing a period of eligible real life experience. He said this "put patients at risk of psychological and social damage.".. “
Now, to those not in the know, this person must sound like an animal. There are five cases, of which two appear to be on less shaky ground than the others. The Guardian did have a Q&A into the story, including a bit more detail on all the charges. “Dr Reid admits prescribing Patient D hormones against the advice of a second opinion provided by another psychiatrist. Patient D was later sectioned and, after a diagnosis and treatment for manic depression, no longer wanted to change sex. Patient E alleges that Dr Reid suggested that he work as an escort to fund his gender reassignment. Patients B and C now regret changing sex; the former has returned to living as a man and the latter now feels trapped between genders.”
Of course, not everyone falls into “one or the other”, and over such a long period of time, some might say this could happen. If you are being honest in what you tell them, and you don’t have malicious intent, then you have nothing to fear by seeking treatment. The case was brought by some of his colleagues – “Four doctors from the Charing Cross gender clinic - James Barrett, Richard Green, Donald Montgomery and Stuart Lorimer - forwarded complaints on behalf on patients B, C, D and E.”
“The gay and transgender rights activist Peter Tatchell claimed the hearing was a "battle between the conservative medical establishment and a radical pioneering doctor who has brought fulfilment to dozens of previously troubled patients". Within the transsexual community there is a split between those who see the inquiry as an attempt by Charing Cross hospital to corner the market in gender identity disorders, and those who feel Dr Reid has been too quick to offer treatment to some patients.”
The case is adjourned now until February 2007, but in the meantime, those who have appreciated what he has done for them, have stepped up their campaigns. This includes a blog, with the ability for those who support him to leave appropriate comments. In just under a month, the blog has had well over 300 comments from satisfied users of his service. All you have to do is to read through some at random, and you can see how happy some of them are to have been listened to, and treated correctly. Again, you might think “Isn’t that be how it should be?” Most defiantly. Those who feel misdiagnosed do have a case, and I’m not trying to say they should be overlooked. They also have a right to have their voices heard. Back in 2004, several trans websites were saying that this person appeared to be the only person at Charing Cross who actually cared about his patients. That’s the difference. Yes, it’s just a job. In any walk of life, there are people who just turn up, and there are others who are genuinely interested in what they do.
Then I thought “why have I ended up with all the luck” ? I actually said to myself “Can’t I share some of my luck with them?” Obviously not (you know I've always liked to share!)
The majority of transpeople are not weird or scary, but on average, up to 50% of transpeople try self-harm or suicide. This includes people before they transition, as well as some who don’t think that they could. Part of this is caused by reading stories like that – and hoping you won’t end up a wreck. A lot of people find it hard to talk about, as I did at first. Eventually I was able to talk. Maybe I got away from the south quick enough, meaning I am one of the luckier ones perhaps. I always look for the good in people, but all the good stuff written about CXH is from years gone by – nothing at all recent, except all the stuff that’s been written in Dr Reid’s defence. Sad but true. There are some nice people in the world of gender dysphoria, not all are private practitioners. Look around, ask other people who’ve had experiences. We are the ones that have the experience of the service – not those who create them, set the budgets, make the rules.
We feel wonderful when someone listens to us, supports us, helps us. Sometimes they may see it as “just doing their job”. To us, it’s a lot more than that. From my calls in the “day job” , just showing someone how to put in their user name, or resetting their password, can mean a huge amount to them. I’ve had kisses blow down the phone, “thank you so much”, the whole lot. I’ve also had customers wanting more than they can have, or maybe even more than they can handle. The point is, I have a memory too. People may not always remember what you said, but people will always remember how you made them feel.
Right, I’m going to bed!
p.s. Charing Cross Hospital is one of the “oddities” in London, as it’s no-where near Charing Cross railway station (for trains to the south and south east), as well as Charing Cross underground station. Charing Cross underground was formed when the Jubilee Line opened, and basically a new tunnel was created between eh Trafalgar Square station on the Bakerloo Line, and the Strand station of the Northern Line, and adding in the Jubilee Line. When the Jubilee Line extension opened in 1999, the Charing Cross bit was formally abandoned, with concrete placed over the entrance. Trains would sometimes use the old Charing Cross as a turn-around, but de-training (tipping everyone out) at Green Park. One driver came in once with “Charing Cross” on the display screens, but we had to tip everyone out at Green Park, as there is no physical way of getting out of Charing Cross from a Jubilee Line train now…
… but I digress. One of our new start Station Assistants was doing his first day on the gateline at Green Park, and someone made an enquiry to him. Message then came over our radio’s “What station is it for the Tower of London?” Just about everyone yelled “Tower Hill” at him. We then kept an eye on him, and he got a second enquiry, but did not use the radio. We approached him “Oh yeah, I done that one myself…” “Where did they want to go?” “Charing Cross Hospital?” “Where did you send them to?” “Charing Cross???”… and then the look on his face was a picture… put it this way, that’s not the answer in “The Knowledge” book that we all got. The only way you could use Charing Cross station for the hospital is if you got out and took a number 9 bus almost end to end, and then still had a walk at the other side...
Three medical visits in (little over) 49 hours
I had a few things to do in town before I got the bus up to Ninewells, and followed for what seemed like a very familiar pattern! I headed to Speech & Language Therapy (to give them their full title), and explain the little bit of progress that I seemed proud of. I did slip back a couple of times when we were talking, but not as often as I did before. I then read out a few of the passages we've done before, and some bits were still better than others - but once again, it seemed a marked improvement on just the day before. We also did some new stuff - when I say new, I mean in this context - like reading out my address and stuff, and trying to get it right. To try and get it high enough to start on the "Flat…" (number), I said "It's Flat…"! I then explained about this "cheating", and she pointed out it's whatever helps you (as in me). No sign of the promised student(s), but I take it they were behind the one-way glass.
Finished in plenty time to make it around to work before the start time of 1300. Yesterday, my team coach "booked" 15 minutes of time with the agency downstairs, under the heading of something fairly nondescript. As soon as she saw me for the first time, she thought it was us to go down at 1300 - until I reminded her! Last night I filled in my Six Month Review - apparently we are getting monthly, and six monthly reviews now. The form dated back to my last monthly review, although I was supposed to score myself on the last six months - apparently. To cut a long story short, the last six month review was the one I did some time ago where I got 9/30, and got rather upset afterwards… but that was then, and I've since had a 13/30 on a monthly review a few weeks ago. We did this just before we headed down to see the agency, and I compared the total scores. I'd just ticked myself more or less down the middle two, whilst Nikki went further in both directions - including making me up on a few items where she though I'd done well, I gave myself 15/30, and in the end, Nikki awarded me 14/30 - which wasn't too bad. Oh, and my new Team Coach from Monday will be Duncan - who is fairly new upstairs, but had been downstairs for quite some time. Seemed to be a good call.
So, now, the time had come to tell all… and that included a brief run-down on the neuro & speech therapy over the last few weeks, before proceeding to the issues raised by my visit to Sandyford on Tuesday. I explained what will happen - that I know of so far - and explained that short-term changes will be minimal i.e. time for doctors appointments to my own doc for the blood pressure monitoring. Medium term will include a visit to either Glasgow or Brighton on at least one occasion, and these may not be on Tuesdays, and if the latter is the case then I may need an extra day off afterwards. Longer term (summer-autumn-ish), I will need quite a bit of time off. Of course, we will talk about all the specifics many times between now and getting my date letter in months to come.
I once again thanked them for everything so far, and reminded them of a few of the specifics (i.e. today marks 31 months of me being out as the person I'd always believed I was). Even my team coach was surprised when I'd mentioned this - time has flown by, but I have been very lucky in many respects, and we talked about this, and other things. They did seem genuinely interested, rather than just being "forced" into listening.
I didn't do too much voice practice today on the floor, but I did put into practice what I'd learned yesterday - and for most of the day, it continued to be good. Still a long way to go, but I'm pleased with the changes I've achieved in a few days. My new team coach (Duncan) stopped by to say hello, and welcome me to the team etc. before he'd left. He said "You've been here for donkey's years… should be fairly low-maintenance…" At that point, I thought about what I'd just told the other two, and burst out laughing loudly - in a nice way. "I can manage most of the things myself" I said - referring to things like how to apply for medical appointment leave, who to phone if one of my appointments runs late and makes me late for work etc. - oh yeah, plenty practice at work etc. But as my earlier review showed, I do have quite a few good points in regards to my performance at work.
Lots of people have said nice things to me this week - even before Tuesday's announcements, or Wednesday/Thursday's progress - so I thank you all once again! This is probably going to go down as one of the most monumentally important weeks in regards to my transitioning - and I had fun all the way through. As I hinted at above, yes, today does mark 31 months since I told the world what I already knew, and that my body did not match my mind. There is still a long way to go, it is not a race, and I've had lots of fun. When I say I've been lucky, yes I have - a quiet enough place to live, lots of people to support me, solid work who support and accept me. I've whinged about all of these recently, but "everyone does that" - or so I was told earlier on. I could have had a lot worse, as I found out when I got home, continued searched further on what I'd found last night… this continued into Friday morning, so is described in my next post.
Suzy’s day of surprises
In my horoscope in the Metro newspaper yesterday, it said something about me having an extra boost of self-confidence today (well, yesterday), as well as a few others, which I found apt. As I was outwith the publication area, I couldn’t check today, but that’s irrelevant. I had quite a few surprises today…
First things first, and a very early speech therapy appointment at Ninewells at 1010. Where we left off last time was that some basic aspects were starting to come together, but I definatly did not need to speed up my speech, which is normally part of the course! The main thing I’ve been struggling with – and this is what I think keeps putting me back – was pitch. It’s like when you try to climb a fence for the first time, and need a “leg-up” or similar. Now we’d been at this point for some time, and discussions today centred on this, obviously, being one of the main things.. I am starting to be able to tolerate the sound of my own voice, as this has always been something I’ve hated. Then, Sally advised that she had two cancellations tomorrow, did I want to come back? Well, I took the 1145 slot, so I hopefully should be out of there for 1230. She also discussed this being with students, but I didn’t object to that… as ever, I’m not really sure what they could learn from me, but you never know! I got another sheet of words, and I said I would practice on pitch alone – leaving everything aside for just one time – so we can see how I get on concentrating on the hardest of all the aspects for me to change. I think of a plan, and hope work is going to be quiet enough…
… I then proceed to Tesco South Road by bus (newly diverted Service 14), and phone Paul on the way regarding the Travel Dundee timetables (still awaiting my printed copies for work!) I had also had a text message from him last night, advising of a few changes to the published timetable… and now it turns out, the 28/29 booklet is to be reprinted entirely. Having just done 20,000 or however many it was in two-colour, the new ones will stand out in being full (four) colour! (the two-colour was initially to save money, ironically…)
… I get to work, and I’m feeling really good, really happy. I’m starting to get a little tired, but I’ve still got tomorrow to go too, then I can recover on Friday! I approach my team coach (Nikki) before I sign on, and say I’d need to speak to her, and the agency, ideally at some point of today. She says to me “It’s not going to affect this new work is it?” “What new work?” Turns out our team is going onto some new work that the company has picked up… but shortly after, she double checks, and tells me that those classed as part-time, are moving onto another team coach from next week (including me!). I remind her that she still cannot get out of what I’ve got to tell her, and as it happened, she did lay aside time for me after a new managers meeting, but then the agency were busy, so I cut it short to just advising I may be a little late tomorrow, and then I will explain all tomorrow. Can you guess what I’ve got to tell them?
The team changes took me by surprise – especially as everyone was only starting to fit in, and we were all getting used to our new team bays, created two weeks ago! Never mind, I’m sure I will get over it. Not sure yet who I will be getting, I will ask again tomorrow.
Anyway, it soon got quiet at work, meaning I could practice on some of the pitch exercises between calls, and then use it live on each call… a few minutes of each, each time... and it started to work, so I kept at it… and I also flagged down anyone passing on breaks etc. for a quick chat. I was starting to tell a marked difference in my voice, and starting “high” appeared to be not so much of a problem – especially if I started with an O (oh) or an I. So, perhaps cheating slightly, if someone asked for their username, I’d start with… “It’s A-number-number…” etc – and that helped. By the end of the evening, I felt I’d made genuine progress. Even on one call when I got caught unawares, I didn’t “think” to alter the way I sounded – but it still sounded a little bit better than the old “male” voice of mine. It’s taken a long time in respect to speech (and I know getting my teeth fixed will help!), but I feel I am now starting to hear the first more significant changes.
Despite it being a day of surprises, I’m very happy – but knackered by the end! I did log on once I got home, and did a quick google search to try and find more on the surgeon I referred to before. Initial results show I’m going to be in good hands… will have a more detailed search tomorrow.
Remember Remember The 7th Of November (I will...)
Back in February, I said that the days like this are some of the most important in your life. OK, a wet Tuesday in Glasgow might not seem like a brilliant thing for most people… but… do keep reading!
Regular readers of the blog will be more than aware that every 2nd month, on a Tuesday morning, I’ve attended Sandyford, for ongoing checks. This is what they class as a “drop-in” gender clinic, for those with ongoing issues. Over the past few months, attendance there has enabled prescription of estrogen, as well as increasing it over the months – initially from one of the yellow 1.25mcg pills (I think these might be purple in America?) to four per day, and adding in an anti-androgen, to enhance the good work that the yellow ones are doing. It’s had good results in certain areas where reduction was needed, but that’s all for now. New hair coming through on my arm etc. is more like “baby” hair, the only problem there being it’s more difficult to get rid of it! So, that’s been me for most of this year.
For those of you who are not aware, the “rules” for treatment of transsexuals are laid down in a book, called the “Standards of Care”, by The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH, formerly known as the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association. This is not a legal document, but lays down best practice. The rules in it are flexible, and are not set in stone. To start on hormone treatment, you must first get one letter of approval from a gender psychiatrist or psychologist or similar. I did that back in March 2005, when I went to see Professor Mizra, at Carswell House in the east side of Glasgow. (This ironically enough was International Woman’s Day). That enabled me to start hormone treatment, so I was awaiting word back from Sandyford at the end of 2005. Around this time, Ninewells Genetics had been in touch with them before testing me for HD, so as a result, there was some confusion on exactly what I was waiting for, and because I was doing a circuit of every other outpatients department in Ninewells at the time, I didn’t have the chance to chase it up, until the turn of 2005/2006. I sent a letter early January, got a short notice cancellation, and it went from there (browse back to my blog). So, although Dr Carr agreed to prescribe back on Wednesday 18th January , blood tests had to be done first, and I went back for the results on Wednesday 1st February. After that was done, a letter had to go to my own doctor in the meantime, and then my own doctors seemed to lose the paperwork when I went back on Friday 3rd March , so I had to go back again on Wednesday 8th March… The guidelines also state that you need two “letters of support” before surgery, and two of the further criteria are living in your preferred gender for at least 12 months (I came out on 9th April 2004), and being on hormones for one year (see above – date confusion!)
My initial plan for today was to ask further about the next stage of hormones, GRP paperwork, and to state my interest in referrals for assessment pre-surgery, although I would need to seek clarification of what was regarded as my start date on the existing prescription.
So, I made it there – 0800 M9 bus from Dundee (Neoplan 50141 if anyone’s logging these, with Volvo FSU 739 doing an Edinburgh duplicate). Just before getting on the bus, spoke to the new Stagecoach Strathay ops manager, Martin, whom I’d met before, and also who had left me some timetables to pick up (which I did the night before). Got into Glasgow (just a little late with roadworks), and then got First Gemini decker 32576 on the 16 up to Sandyford. All done – I arrived, and a little earlier than the previous two visits, at around 1030 (my bus ticket says 1022). Had a look – First have a “word of the day” on their all day tickets, and I wondered why today’s word was KY… until I realised my thumb was over the rest of “KYLE”…
So, I arrived. As it’s a drop-in system, when you arrive, you take a card, and that is then called out, so you can give your details to the one sat at the computer. As it doubles up as a family planning/morning-after clinic at that time of the morning, a little discretion is perhaps needed all round. So, colour coding is used – everyone else gets the yellow numbered cards, whilst we get the pink ones! (Don’t giggle, but I realise there is something in that), and mine was #30 (I think we got up to about #40 in the end). Once I got to the main desk, easily enough to get booked in, but we were advised that only two of the three doctors would be here today, as Dr Carr was away. Fair enough, so we waited… and in the end, waited a bit. I could see everyone being called, and even though they were “short staffed”, everyone seemed to be getting their time, and no-one was being chased out moments later, as may have happened elsewhere…
… So, I was seen around 1245ish, and I’d already tried to remember as much of the list as I could! It wasn’t a script – just a way of making sure I told him about the bad as well as the good. After all, they need to know everything relevant, and anything “different” to usual. Blood pressure was taken – twice – and was a little up at 130, although last time they checked me there I was 120. As regards to the way my body has tolerated the increasing estrogen and the single dose of anti-androgens, they have agreed to write to my doctor to prescribe me Provera – progestin, progesterone, whatever you want to call it, it’s the other female hormone. There was none available to take away, so for now, I await my own doctors – but they have also been asked to keep an eye on my blood pressure over the coming weeks. I can understand why.
We then discussed the GRP paperwork, and he explained that although those who’d applied had been relatively successful, those who were successful were those who had already been through surgery (and this is a point they’d apparently stuck on, but it wasn’t in the paperwork). Interestingly enough, that brought me onto my next set of questions. First things first, I stated my “interest” in surgery, and asked first of all who they refer to for the initial letters of referral. He then questioned if I meant the surgeons that they used, and I said “both”. (Well, it was the next question on the list!) There are two surgeons they would refer to – one, based in Edinburgh, who does more of a cosmetic job. Another one, based in Brighton [yes, England], does the more detailed, in-depth (bad joke, I’m sorry!) job. I’d actually read quite a good story about his work a while ago – probably early 2005 – but the site is long gone (I’m sure I put my story of what else I found at the same time in the blog before, at the time), but I didn’t let on. I remembered it was somewhere in the South of England, but as ever I’d not remembered where (well, it was more than 18 months ago I read it, so I am sure I can be excused this time!)
I then asked who he would refer to, for me to see, before getting a “letter of support” (sorry, I know it’s technically a transport industry term – used to describe the approval of a local authority to an operators change at short notice, and usually ended with “We fully support this application” – but there is no formal term for it, as far as I know, and not over here). This is the bit that sort of surprised me. The original letter from Professor Mizra from March 2005 would be one, and they can supply the second – meaning that I don’t have to go through two “interviews”, they can refer straight to the surgeon concerned. I then got onto the issue of dates, and then I asked exactly what would be the date as to when he would consider me as commencing on the estrogen – all things considered. This also surprised me a little more, and he explained that the referral is less built up on the time that I’d been taking the stuff, and more based on the time I’ve been living in my correct gender – i.e. as I’ve now been living this way for 31 months, it’s well in excess of the 12 month minimum. So, he’s scribbling all this down, and I then ask if he feels the time could be right to refer now? Yes, he did! The surgeon in question was to be coming up to Glasgow to see prospective patients in January at some point, but that looks like the date for that may be not happening, or subject to change.. I said I’ve been down to Brighton before, so didn’t object to going down there, or him coming north – whichever comes first. So, I return there again at the beginning of February (no drop in during January usually), and if I’ve not heard by then, hopefully I would when I came back.
As I walked out – 1315 (1.15pm!), I was very happy with my lot for the day – but then I did question who’d write first, the surgeon or my own doctor? Time will tell, and if they both turn up on the same day, I’ll call it a draw! So, that was that…
… and instead of saying “oh, that’ll happen way off in the future”, I can now say “it will be happening soon”… but obviously don’t ask yet – we’ll just take it to be late summer/early autumn (fall) 2007, or possibly even winter 2007/2008.. The “window of opportunity” is most defiantly open, and I’ve asked all what I had to, with the bonus of not having to find, then go to, two totally separate and different medical facilities, and explain them my life story. Again. (and no, I can’t just print out this blog!) I don’t know about you, but I know when I go somewhere, it’s better knowing that someone has already outlined the basics to them, rather than starting again with a blank sheet. There are still a large number of formalities to go through, but we can come to those at the time. As for the distance, I’ll come to that later. As for what will happen to everything I’m doing at the moment up here, plans have been underway for some time! That, and I’ve known I wanted this since I was a little girl – well, I wasn’t quite on the outside, but you know what I mean – inside, the mind is always right. I feel ready now to make the decision, and I have done so. Now, preparing as a physical person, as well as preparing everything locally, work etc. can all take place over the coming months. I shall see to everything, and then it will be time. Surgery to reconstruct the lower part of my body is not the be all and end all – lets make that quite clear. It only changes one thing, and 99% of people in this world will not be able to tell the difference. As I said back at the beginning, this is the long haul for the short drop, but I’m getting there.
One benefit of the Sandyford’s "edge of city centre" location is the easy of access to public transport – well, lots of buses! The First Glasgow 16/18 42/42A go past often enough, but two sides of the building (albeit the opposite sides of the road) are used for layover stands for Service 57 journeys, adding at least another six per hour. Arriva & DJ services 17 also go past, as well as the fact there is STILL a panel up promoting Henderson Travel Service 49/149 (although this was applied by the finding SPT ) – complete with sticker advising that this service would be withdrawn in Summer 2005! Anyway, I crossed the road, waited patiently for the driver to prepare the bus for service, and then got on First Scania 61682 on the 57, towards the heart of the city centre i.e. food, timetables and shops! The bus was more or less empty all the way down, largely due to the fact the driver stayed in the outside lane… and I rang the bell at my stop (Jamaica Street), and he looked back and yelled “You wannin aff here?” I nodded, and he slowed down, and stopped the bus… now I thought that is what the bell was for? I went into the Travel Centre, picked up what was new, and then went over to the Blue Lagoon for a pizza supper, especially as I’d not had one for a few months… just as soon as my pizza hit the fat, a text in from the West End Poet (I’d sent him one as I left Sandyford), saying that he’d be in town. I wasn’t sure if I was meeting him or not, as he’s been off work ill, but I gave him a call, and we arranged to meet around a few corners. I munched what I could of the pizza (and in fact, couldn’t stomach any more of it anyway!), before I waited – and then got another text, and I realised I was one further street up to go! We met for coffee, and he explained what had been happening, and why he’d been feeing so ill – not that the doctors seemed to know. They put it down to the flu! (sounds like previous diagnosis of “stress”!)
He also told me how everyone else had been saying “you look very pale”… so I didn’t say it again, but he still looked a little under the weather. I know how frustrating that can be – especially when a few weeks ago, they were saying to me “are you sure you are well enough to come back to work…” He also advised me on the rumours going around while he had been off, and told me that he understands everyone is enjoying scrapping over his shifts for overtime! Friendly colleagues eh?
So, at 1515, he had to dash, so I had a wander through the St Enoch centre for a bit. I was booked on the 1700 bus back, by this point I still had 85 minutes left, in the rain. I know… there’s a web café in St Vincent Street… the keyboard was barely working, but I put in £1 which gave me up to 1630 – just enough time to send a message that special someone in my life, and tell him all my good news. Now, he was thrilled to hear about Part One i.e. the hormones, but when I told him about Part Two i.e. the surgery, he was somewhat lost for words! Needless to say, he’s very excited about all this too! I left, walked around to George Square to catch any bus heading to the bus station – and a 240 drove past me, but the 262 behind had to stop, because someone wanted off! Oh well, glad 61601 rescued me, or I could have been there for some time. Sorry, but if someone stands at the right stop, with hand out, on the road, you cant really drive past! Anyway, got to the bus station in enough time, and 1700 departure for Dundee was Volvo L100 WCM (actually newer but on an older registration plate) on the M8, which got me back to Dundee for 1920ish.
I got in, got online, and caught Jay just before he went into a meeting… and he was glad I got home safe. That’s the thing I was thinking about – out of all these Dundee – Glasgow trips, someone out there has been looking after me. Maybe “god doesn’t make mistakes” (quote: my mother), but in my Dundee – Glasgow medical trip series, we’ve had a northbound truck driver in front start smoking, we’ve had an RTA which caused me to be late (the day I said I’d be about 15 mins down, and turned up bang on 15 minutes late), various other issues with coach changes etc. – I’ve always got there and back safely. Anyway, as I am sure you can imagine, he’d been thinking a bit, and was rather happy for me. Questions about when etc. all this can be done, so I used the (fully working) keyboard, to tell him as much as I could, and as much as I currently know. Since then I’ve told a few friends – now for the last few weeks, I’ve had the “battle of good and evil” from friends as to whether or not to go for progesterone or not. Yes, it causes body development, but it also is the hormone behind genetic women getting pmt/pms. We shall see how I get on. Having said all that, no-one has suggested otherwise to the surgery referral…
… so, the end draws to another day, another 170+ mile round trip, and another stage in the rebuilding of my life. Thanks to everyone for your words & thoughts so far.
